TOEFL [영작문첨삭본] IBT WRITING FULL MARKS (토플 라이팅 만점 짜리) - Agree or Disagree.It is beneficial to make important decisions alone.

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토플 라이팅 부분에서 만점을 받은 학생이 쓴 독립형 라이팅입니다. 참고하시면 많은 도움이 될 것입니다. 감사합니다

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(Introduction) In this fast-pace society, making decisions is almost like a daily routine, which acts as the catalyst to success if one makes correct decisions. It would probably not an exaggeration to state that making wise decisions is the stepping stone to success in this twenty first century. Some people say that a person should make important decisions alone. Others believe that it is always better to ask other for advice. In my point of view, (Thesis) getting advice from others is better when it comes to making decision because (Reason 1) other people can come up with the wisest decision and (Reason 2) their decisions could be more objective.
* Opening 4대 요소인 introduction, thesis, reason 1, reason2가 다 포함되어 있다. 도입부에서 본인의 생각을 집어 넣어 좋은 도입부 입니다. 뚜렷한 2개의 이유도 이 에세이에서 좋은 평가를 받는다.




* Body의 4대 요소인 Reason, Illustration, Example, Conclusion이 다 포함되어 완전한 Body로 평가된다. Illustration은 좋지 않은 평가를 받았다. Illustration은 Reason에 대한 충분하고 구체적인 설명이 있어야 하지만 이 단락에서는 그렇지 못했다. Illustration은 reason과 같은 주장을 하고 있다. 그저 많은 옵션이 있을 것이고, 많은 쵸이스가 있을 거라고 반복적인 설명을 하고 있다. 이것은 전혀 전개가 있는 storyline이 아니라 계속 paraphrase한 느낌이 든다.
Besides, (Reason 2) other people can give us objective views on the situation and benefit us. (Illustration) This is because if people make a decision by themselves, their subjective opinion might disturb them from making a wise decision. Also, they can make a biased decision due to their emotions. However, if we ask others for advice, they can give us the most objective solutions because they are the third party of our problems. (Example) According to a survey conducted by Times magazine in 2009, more than 65.24 percent of people mentioned that others can provide them with more unbiased decisions. Also, they argued that when they try to make a decision especially in bad or sad mood, they cannot see the situation intuitively

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